ELEGEIA

Why I don’t have value for myself or others?

Do we have to look at other people first before we understand what our own value is?

Sadly, that’s what other people judge about us, a value.

Maybe I’m comfortable in my current situation that I don’t need to update what I have now.

I realize because of that I wasn’t chosen by him. If only I had more value maybe I had another ending.

When you notice how his eyes seem to smile and are eager to tell you what he found in another figure.

The sad thing is that I want to be that figure for him to choose without hesitation.

It’s very sad when you have to hear the man you love telling you about another version of his perfect figure.

Can you tell other people about me with that enthusiasm and with those sparkling eyes? Can you be that proud to tell others the story of this mediocre woman?

Suddenly I had a lot of bad thoughts about judging myself, lots of questions about why that I didn’t know the answers.

I grew up from a family that didn’t have any privileges, until now I can stand on my own feet I never had any privileges from others. Me right now maybe too simple a person who has no ambitions which for others isn’t interesting.

Till I got to know him and being with him for the past few years taught me that being an mediocre is not interesting and not challenging. I used to think that being someone who felt enough would look exciting, but to end up with him I had to put more effort.

There is point where I believe time will make someone understand that not all perfection in the world has to be his, the turning point is there but when it happens no one knows.

I don’t know what effort I have to make to get him. I felt hopeless when I found out what kind of perfection he was looking for. A mediocre with no values and no privileges at all would expect what else? I haven’t been an option since this whole story started.

In my tears I once asked why I was so sad to just receive the same feelings that I give to others, am I that unworthy? Or am I asking too much for things I can’t possibly get? How desperate do I have to be to have my wish come true?

Yep, you are reading the story of a woman who blames herself and her situation. Maybe you are wondering why I compare myself to others when the other side I definitely have more value than her.

Lemme look sad in this story, I want you to be able to judge whether this is a sad story or I’m just the stupid one here.